An incident this morning shook me. I was driving to work, following the usual route. On one of the traffic signals (which wasn’t working), I saw some cars and cyclists pausing mid-way and then moving on. On coming closer, I realised that there was a man lying right at the intersection with his face down. While I waited my turn to cross over to the other side, I hoped someone would pick him up. Every car, every cyclist, every biker that paused, however, only did so to peer curiously and move on.
For a while I was paralysed by what I saw. What should I do? It was a cold, foggy morning and it would be very easy for someone to overlook him and run him over. He needed to be picked up and taken to the side. There was, however, no one who seemed to be doing that. I wasn’t without my own apprehensions. I needed to get to work. It was cold. What if he was dead? No, he wasn’t–I saw his head move a bit.
Well, there was no other option. I crossed the road, stopped the car by the side of the road and came over to the man. When I turned him over, I realised he was drunk. His eyes, when they tried to focus on me, couldn’t. His cataract-hazy eyes were so fluid and dilated, I almost thought he didn’t have irises.
My next challenge was to try and pick him up on my own, which looked near impossible without coming into very close proximity with him. Now, my good samaritan act had gotten me thus far, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hug a drunk old man, no matter how sorry I was feeling for him. Fortunately, a guy came to my rescue, helping me pull him up. We got him to the side of the road, and after many attempts, had to literally push him to sit down by the railing.
The incident disturbed me at several levels. How insular have we become as a society when a man lies in the middle of the road and no one stops to help him? On the other hand, how voyeuristic, that we look for ring-side views to misfortune, almost extending our hand for the popcorn being passed around.
What could be the reasons for no one stopping? Indifference? Disgust? Fear? Isn’t each of these emotions sad? When I reached office and narrated the incident to a colleague, adding that I was infuriated by the passers-by, his one-line answer was, ‘These things happen all the time. Don’t worry, you’ll get over it.’ And then I felt small. One incident, one help, and I was already in the holier-than-thou frame of mind.
I spoke to another colleague and she was honest enough to admit that she may not have stopped. I asked her why and she said, you never know, in a place like Gurgaon, a person might just turn around and take out a knife. Who knows what might happen.
What kind of scared lives are we living? And the sad part is that this is a very real fear. There are several instances of people stopping to help someone and getting duped, robbed, beaten up, or even killed.
How do we make sure that help reaches those who need it, without fear on the part of those providing it? Secondly, how do we make people more open to those unlike them? There are several who would not touch a man like this purely because he was filthy and drunk. We have shut ourselves away from those who are not of ‘our kind’. For instance, how many of us know about the life of a security guard? Or where our maids disappear to once they leave our houses?
There is a school of thought (and I admit I have often subscribed to it) that says that if we start empathising with everyone, there will be no joy left to experience. But the alternative can’t be to not empathise at all! So how do you decide on the degrees of empathy?
A hurt, drunk, sad man made me introspect all day. Will this introspection stop here or will it go on to another day? I don’t know. But while the feeling lasts, I decided put it down in words.
Nupur Chaturvedi 
Comments on: "Removed from reality" (4)
A dilemma all of us have faced or will face! I think each of us has to make the best decision in the given situation – i have stopped in a similar situation and it was a dead man who i had to drag alone – with a bunch of curious people watching from a distance. That was in another time and another place – when some of the real apprehensions of modern day Gurgaon was not part of the scenario. For the individual, it is ‘Can you go past and not let it bother you?” And your how you will act depends on whether you belong to the “Yes” or “No” response group!
True, but I doubt it’s ever a blanket Yes or No. The response also changes with the situation. Our moral compass doesn’t always have a true north. It’s directions are usually relative to other people’s.
and then there is another point of view… what if u got to know that yr maid at home did not come for work.. later in the evg she said that her ‘marad’ had disappeared, he had stolen her money and drank away the night and was found drunk lying in the middle of the road….
Maybe when u hear the maid’s anguish u will feel almost hatred towards the class of men who drink and beat their women…
So the point is everything is relative, how much to empathize, with whom, what stand to take? Having said that maybe I would have stopped too and done what u had done and maybe coz there aren’t many doing such acts wud have put myself in the holier than thou category too… sad but thats how we are conditioned…
introspection is good, i think. but its sad that we have no institutional response to such things. in the US, you would simply call 911…here, we have no faith in the system’s response….while we must become more sensitive as individuals and the apathy of us moneyed people is alarming, governance is imperative to find solutions to these situations. its scarier that the people who take decisions at the administrative and political level are also insensitive ad completely removed from reality!